what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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