I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
