the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
