She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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