you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
