You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
being pregnant is like rehab
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
