Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
