did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Randomize
