yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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