thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
