i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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