i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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