i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
