After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
