He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
