Welp...herpes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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