theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
