i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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