I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
