Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
