I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
