I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
