Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
