Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
