I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
