just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
