yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
