We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
