Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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