allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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