you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
