i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
