don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
