I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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