i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize