i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
