I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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