I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
