Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
