The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
