Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
