Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
