her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
