David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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