I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
