mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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