This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
