I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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