My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
