She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
