Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
