you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
