who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
