I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
