I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
