Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
