He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
