sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
