Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
