I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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