I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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