I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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