we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
