I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone came in the potted fern
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize