Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
