i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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