i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
