dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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