i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
