I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
