I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize