Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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