we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
